I have been working on my series on dating advice (especially red flags) for girls, and sometimes, as research, I read letters written to other information columns on websites dedicated to this subject.
I stumbled upon one today, where a girl entered into a relationship in age twenty-four with a significantly older man. As I get older, fortunately, I feel that gap lessening. But I still find the appeal for some young girls to want to date mature men.
But frequently, whatever the excellent aspects an older guy will bring into the connection, such as emotional and fiscal stability, and a sense of being settled, a woman could find herself in a situation in which she has to settle, and not in a fantastic way.
The young woman in question was twenty-four, and the guy with whom she met through a popular phone chat line and had two teenaged children, one fifteen, and the other twelve. As the relationship progressed along with the few got serious and began to discuss living together, the man told the woman that he does not need to get married again after having gone through his preceding divorce, and he did not need any more kids.
Therefore, the woman, with the dreams of marriage and children for herself, took a few days to think things over. She did not want to give up her dreams of marriage and children, but could not even look at breaking up with her boyfriend. So she made a decision to agree to his conditions and move in with him.
And in her letter, she stated something which always makes me think, “Red Flag!”
She said that she believed once they moved in together, and spent enough time living together, that he would alter his mind.
Oh, if I could count the broken hearts hinged on such expectations!
When will we ever learn how to accept what somebody else says, or more so even what folks do, as what is?
Thinking that our influence, or even the wonder of our very selves, will alter a individual, to restructure who they’re…well, aside from being utterly delusional, this is a type of subtle manipulation.
What we’re really saying deeply down to ourselves is, “well, if he wants me, he will be who I need him to be, and he will give me what I want.”
That is dangerous thinking, girls. If you find yourself saying, “Gee, this man is wonderful, except for _____. If your ‘fill in the blank’ is a really major deal, and something that you can not live with, you have to ask yourself, “Do I want to hurt now, or hurt a whole lot more afterwards?”
Life is brief.